Category Archives: winter

What’s the plan?

What do you to say to someone, who is a new acquaintance and has no idea where you come from, and thinks that she sees you as you are (how is a conversation or two enough to know a person that I will never know but yes there are exceptions), sees so much potential in you that you wonder if you know yourself at all (lasts for one shaky moment and then it passes as quickly as it had come), and wonders out loud (while you are standing right there) about what are you doing with your life. What’s the plan now? I am sick of this question and I suppose people are sick of waiting for me to figure things out.

It is in everyone’s best interest to shrug it off and run as fast from the conversation and the person in question. I will run as fast as my hypermobile joints will carry me and as long as I don’t end up in a hospital, it should be fine. On a completely unrelated note, it’s true the sure thing boat does not take you anywhere and even if you can’t run your own life, you can at least run away from it, and wallow in self pity. Till life smacks you back into place and drills some sense into your stubborn skull, beyond which there is hopefully a receptive and working brain.

An acquaintance was shocked  when I said that I had decided not to work in the field I was interested in at the moment and she took it to mean forever. Why are people so quick to jump to conclusions and worse, they think they have all the facts? It is difficult to explain the present as it is, forget about the past. It has taken years (basically all my life) to become the person I am today.

How do you explain the many false starts and disappointments? How sickness and being ill played spoilsport and took away even the will to live? They cannot be so casually dismissed and taken so lightly as people do. Words fail to communicate where and when they are needed the most.

Keeping mum is the only thing to do here since explanations will always fall short. Trust me, I have tried explaining and it serves no purpose other than making me look like a babbling idiot, frothing slightly at the mouth with a glint in my eyes (She is gone bonkers is what they believe and I do nothing to convince them otherwise). Total radio silence is sometimes the best thing.

But if you can bask in the glory of nothingness and be at peace with where you are in life, and proclaim it gleefully to the world then there is nothing better than that. Sit back and enjoy the puzzled looks on their faces as they try to reconcile what they see with what they know about your situation, and how you should feel.

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Stop the day : a procrastinator’s plea

In the stillness of the early morning
I can hear thoughts of past, present and future in my head
along with the  birds chirping out loud in the garden.
I feel the warmth of the sunlight,
the winter hasn’t yet taken all the warmth away.
The possibility of the day’s events
not yet dampened by what it could have been.
Not a hint but a full fledged promise of a new day.
The day can be anything I want it to be 
 I shape my own destiny.
The warmth of a yellow sun
is more than what I can bear. 
The sunlight too bright glares at me
hurting my eyes.
I have been under the covers far too long.

Instead of basking in the sun
I draw the curtains back into place
shutting the sun-lighted world out.
I retreat into my unmade bed
to fall back asleep.

My warm safe place
where unformed stories, half finished dreams and nightmares live together.
There’s always tomorrow to shape my Destiny.
I snooze a little more till the blinding sun has left
a mellow one in its place.