The birds in my backyard are hopping about creating a ruckus doing their thing. Why do they always make their appearance, day or night, when I am beginning to nod off? (Has it ever occurred to you that you might be the one whose circadian rhythm is out of whack chides the mind?) And why do they have to be gregarious – seven sisters or is it seven brothers? I can never remember what they are called. My eyes blur over the page that I’m reading and I keep the book and my glasses aside (not always). I fall into a short dreamless sleep (if I’m lucky else REM sleep it is), a nap if you may, right where I am
else the spell will be broken.
In life the same lesson keeps on coming at us in different shapes and sizes, not like a song played on a loop but like variations of the same theme, until we get it. Why don’t we get it sooner? We seem like sensible people. Or so I was led to believe and now I’m doubtful.
We can’t get away that easily. At long last I have understood there is a difference between walking away and running away. And you must have realized I am not talking about physical activity here (are you not seeing how hot it is and in April too!) though that is essential to keep the joints in tip-top shape. Or so I am told. Run along then.
What do you to say to someone, who is a new acquaintance and has no idea where you come from, and thinks that she sees you as you are (how is a conversation or two enough to know a person that I will never know but yes there are exceptions), sees so much potential in you that you wonder if you know yourself at all (lasts for one shaky moment and then it passes as quickly as it had come), and wonders out loud (while you are standing right there) about what are you doing with your life. What’s the plan now? I am sick of this question and I suppose people are sick of waiting for me to figure things out.
It is in everyone’s best interest to shrug it off and run as fast from the conversation and the person in question. I will run as fast as my hypermobile joints will carry me and as long as I don’t end up in a hospital, it should be fine. On a completely unrelated note, it’s true the sure thing boat does not take you anywhere and even if you can’t run your own life, you can at least run away from it, and wallow in self pity. Till life smacks you back into place and drills some sense into your stubborn skull, beyond which there is hopefully a receptive and working brain.
An acquaintance was shocked when I said that I had decided not to work in the field I was interested in at the moment and she took it to mean forever. Why are people so quick to jump to conclusions and worse, they think they have all the facts? It is difficult to explain the present as it is, forget about the past. It has taken years (basically all my life) to become the person I am today.
How do you explain the many false starts and disappointments? How being ill played spoilsport and took away even the will to live? They cannot be so casually dismissed and taken so lightly as people do. Words fail to communicate where and when they are needed the most.
Keeping mum is the only thing to do here since explanations will always fall short. Trust me, I have tried explaining and it serves no purpose other than making me look like a babbling idiot, frothing slightly at the mouth with a glint in my eyes (She is gone bonkers is what they believe and I do nothing to convince them otherwise). Total radio silence is sometimes the best thing.
But if you can bask in the glory of nothingness and be at peace with where you are in life, and proclaim it gleefully to the world then there is nothing better than that. Sit back and enjoy the puzzled looks on their faces as they try to reconcile what they see with what they know about your situation, and how you should feel.