Wanting to be saved

A Coldplay kind of day today, and when Death and All His Friends come to your rescue, you listen. It was not all​ Yellow not by a long stretch but​ blue and no one will bleed for you or die trying except perhaps your family (their job description since the day you were born) and a few close friends (if you are lucky).  So what are you cribbing about, you ungrateful wretch. Get over yourself. Live, thrive, survive (whatever suits you). No one can Fix You except you.

No I don’t want to battle from beginning to end
I don’t want a cycle of recycled revenge

It’s like I ​heard the song for the first time. For a long time the song was misnamed in my playlist as Lovers in Japan. Isn’t it amazing how a song will be whatever you want it to be in that moment – romantic, cathartic, healing, inspiring and so much more.

Sometimes a song saves you. The memories associated with it, the lyrics or the music itself (words become superfluous and it is the rhythm which carries you through).

​Watching This is Us brought Mandy Moore back into my life. For me Mandy Moores’s Cry is not about the lyrics but about nostalgia for me. It is about a bygone era when me and my friends used to read Nicholas Sparks (oh the horror). Now if I see A Walk to Remember (a fate comparable to being inside an MRI machine) I will definitely sob but it will be due to laughing hard and snorting at the dialogues. Thank god we grew up. Idealism has no place in the life of old people. (No, don’t tell me 30 is the new 20!) Youth and idealism go together just fine, complementing each other in envisioning a better future full of realized dreams, lost opportunities nowhere on the horizon and the harsh truth yet to dawn. The blinders come off eventually, either voluntarily or forcefully.

Sometimes humour saves you. Satire, sarcasm, nonsense, black – all shades of humour. Your sense of humour is the most important thing about you, so keep it close and try your best not to lose it in the chaos that is everyday life, unless you live on one of many moons of Jupiter. It might desert you and vanish from time to time but prepare a grand welcome when it reappears.

Sometimes nature saves you. A patch of blue sky. A brilliant crescent moon. An orange streaked dusk. A smiling flower. The still surface of a quiet lake. A blue dawn about to break. The waves of sea crashing.  The blue mountains in the distance and rocky brown ones nearby.  The moon undergoing various shapes during its cycle, always coming back from nothing to everything (the circle of life). I could go on.

Sometimes a few words save you. Your own or someone else’s. A book where a character  speaks to you, words from a sitcom, lines from a movie, words on a poster seen somewhere which has somehow stuck. They make their presence felt in the unlikeliest of moments and somehow the timing turns out to be just right.

Sometimes social media saves you – allowing you to share other’s worlds which tell you that living life involves goof ups and you don’t always have to take it personally.  That life is too short to take yourself seriously. Words from a person you diligently follow on social media but don’t know in real life (Welcome to the 21st century!). Words from random people on social media which have such perfect timing that it’s almost eerie. They speak of the human experience and hence the connection. So as much as you like to think yourself as lonely and misunderstood, someone out there is going through a similar experience and understands what is it like to be in your  shoes and thank goodness for that.

And sometimes a person saves you. A friend (they are not mythical creatures they do exist), an author you have loved, an author you just discovered, random people you collide with in real life, a friend you have never met but have been writing to for years.

But mostly you save yourself. The first choice. The last choice. But if you are lucky, never the only choice.

You tell yourself that you have survived the brutal past and you can survive the messy present and have dreams of thriving in the future. Yes, you might be a loser (in the eyes of the world and sometimes even yourself) but a loser who hasn’t given up. And a loser with dreams with dream to fulfill.

Life was always meant to be lived one day at a time. Maybe then it won’t be so hard. And you may even find what you are looking for. How’s that for some hope from a cynic?

If you want to be saved, saviours are everywhere. If you want to be saved, that is.

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